dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
