OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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