He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
