Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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