She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
