im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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