Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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