My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
