in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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