She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
