its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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