I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
