i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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