I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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