she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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