I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
