Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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