what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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