Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I enjoy the company of your penis
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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