There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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