They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
