Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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