I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
