mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
