her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
