like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
