Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
