I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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