Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
