Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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