I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
