i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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