I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
