I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
