Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
