I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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