I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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