The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
