This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
