Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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