thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
