I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
