is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Randomize
