Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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