dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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