Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
