So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
