Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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