I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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