it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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