Swine flu. Run for my life!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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