So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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