I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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