he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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